When guys promise you they will never hurt you again. You could A. Tell them you love them or B. Leave me alone, Forever. For anyone going through a tough relationship, you love them one second the next you want to slit their throat in their sleep. You’re not alone. I have been in an on-off again relationship since last November. It’s not easy. He’s cheated, lied, even gotten so out of hand, I couldn’t bear the sight of him. And yet, we’re back with each other for another chance. I swore to my friends I would never get back together with him. And I broke it. I kissed him and I could feel the sparks. Like a light being turned on inside me. A few people told me to just be with him and be happy. Others, the friends I’ve known since birth. Hate his guts. Wish I would leave him alone. But is this true love? You’re always have this sadness lurking behind you, yet as soon you see his face the sun comes out. He tells me he loves me. And for the first time in a long time. I believe it. He honestly acts like he cares about me, and I’m happy. He’s always been there. Even when he had another girl on his arm, He always came back to me somehow. We fight like dogs, and love like Noah and Allie. Our story is inevitable, I gave him a thousand chances and he broke each one. But this one I have a good feeling about it. It’s the childhood friends I need to worry about. Get on the bus in the morning, watch them say shit to me. Call me a liar, a bitch. And take it. Hold my head up high, and watch the trees flutter by. Tell them, if it wasn’t for him. I would be six feet under, and they would be passing time. A daughter whose father doesn’t love her enough, is a girl just waiting to run with the wind.
If I should have a daughter…“Instead of “Mom”, she’s gonna call me “Point B.” Because that way, she knows that no matter what happens, at least she can always find her way to me. And I’m going to paint the solar system on the back of her hands so that she has to learn the entire universe before she can say “Oh, I know that like the back of my hand.”
She’s gonna learn that this life will hit you, hard, in the face, wait for you to get back up so it can kick you in the stomach. But getting the wind knocked out of you is the only way to remind your lungs how much they like the taste of air. There is hurt, here, that cannot be fixed by band-aids or poetry, so the first time she realizes that Wonder-woman isn’t coming, I’ll make sure she knows she doesn’t have to wear the cape all by herself. Because no matter how wide you stretch your fingers, your hands will always be too small to catch all the pain you want to heal. Believe me, I’ve tried.
And “Baby,” I’ll tell her “don’t keep your nose up in the air like that, I know that trick, you’re just smelling for smoke so you can follow the trail back to a burning house so you can find the boy who lost everything in the fire to see if you can save him. Or else, find the boy who lit the fire in the first place to see if you can change him.”
But I know that she will anyway, so instead I’ll always keep an extra supply of chocolate and rain boats nearby, ‘cause there is no heartbreak that chocolate can’t fix. Okay, there’s a few heartbreaks chocolate can’t fix. But that’s what the rain boots are for, because rain will wash away everything if you let it.
I want her to see the world through the underside of a glass bottom boat, to look through a magnifying glass at the galaxies that exist on the pin point of a human mind. Because that’s how my mom taught me. That there’ll be days like this, “There’ll be days like this my momma said” when you open your hands to catch and wind up with only blisters and bruises. When you step out of the phone booth and try to fly and the very people you wanna save are the ones standing on your cape. When your boots will fill with rain and you’ll be up to your knees in disappointment and those are the very days you have all the more reason to say “thank you,” ‘cause there is nothing more beautiful than the way the ocean refuses to stop kissing the shoreline no matter how many times it’s sent away.
You will put the “wind” in win some lose some, you will put the “star” in starting over and over, and no matter how many land mines erupt in a minute be sure your mind lands on the beauty of this funny place called life.
And yes, on a scale from one to over-trusting I am pretty damn naive but I want her to know that this world is made out of sugar. It can crumble so easily but don’t be afraid to stick your tongue out and taste it.
“Baby,” I’ll tell her “remember your mama is a worrier but your papa is a warrior and you are the girl with small hands and big eyes who never stops asking for more.”
Remember that good things come in threes and so do bad things and always apologize when you’ve done something wrong but don’t you ever apologize for the way your eyes refuse to stop shining.
Your voice is small but don’t ever stop singing and when they finally hand you heartbreak, slip hatred and war under your doorstep and hand you hand-outs on street corners of cynicism and defeat, you tell them that they really ought to meet your mother.Sarah Kay (via hqlines)
but i feel so conflicted bc like ive always seen jem carstairs as being slightly more innocent than any character but like you add tessa and a century’s worth of delayed testosterone and its like